Dear Annie: Our little girl died. She was ill for a relatively short period of time, terminally, and while she lived longer than expected, it will never have been enough.
In the couple of years of caring for her, and even after losing her, the people we thought would be there for us for support were not.
The grandparents were too busy tending to a sibling’s children and to their parents. I’m being vague, I know.
We have never needed help until this happened, and we thought those close would want to sit with us and with our daughter through her short life. But instead, they didn’t. Barely even checked in.
When we relocated to be closer to our parents, we learned that, even still, our family was not a priority. So we moved back.
She passed away, and our lives feel forever changed, but we have anger inside of us and now it feels as though things can never be corrected.
We asked for support, and our sibling and parents chose to not show up in the ways we needed or wanted.
Due to this, the family feels very disjointed. I have no desire to be around them or to spend holidays with them or to give them back any precious time of our lives.
Am I wrong for my heartbreak?
— Heartbroken
Dear heartbroken: I am so sorry for your loss. Of course you are not wrong for your heartbreak. And though there is no excuse for your family’s lack of support, it is important to recognize that many people are uncomfortable with grief. They don’t know what to say or how to act around those who are suffering a loss as profound as yours.
Please know that there is life before your child dies and life after, and you have every right to feel heartbroken. Please seek grief support groups as soon as possible.
Dear Annie: I hate the area of the country I live in and wish to live in another part. The issue is each time I move away, I get homesick, not for the place that I detest but for the people. The place I move to never seems like “home” even though I love it there. Therefore, I keep doing this repetitive cycle of moving away and moving back. I need to land somewhere and don’t know how to make it happen.
— Nomad Who Wants to Settle
Dear Nomad: Home is where the heart is. That phrase has all sorts of meanings, but the way I look at it, if you fall in love with yourself, then wherever you go you will feel settled. As the mindfulness phrase goes, “Wherever you go, there you are.”
Once you feel more peaceful within, I have no doubt you will settle easier somewhere or be at peace with the fact that you enjoy the nomadic life.
Either way, it’s a win-win.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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