Dear Abby: I met this man online a year and a half ago. We have been together ever since. There is a serious problem with him watching porn. When we met, I knew he was doing it when I was not with him. He knows I’m not happy about it, and he tried for a while to keep it hidden from me. More recently, he would watch it and then want to come get cozy with me.
When I tell him it’s a complete turnoff for me, he gets upset and tells me I need to see a therapist to get over it. I told him he should get help if he expects to have a relationship with any woman. I think he’s obsessed with pornography. Am I overreacting?
I’m beginning to feel like it is more important for him to watch porn than spend time with me. I do love him and very much want to be with him, but I can’t seem to get over this. Help, please.
— Deal-breaker in Pennsylvania
Dear Deal-breaker: I wish you had mentioned what KIND of porn your boyfriend watches. Many men (and women) watch it because it helps them to become aroused. Some couples watch it together. Your boyfriend’s suggestion that this should be discussed with a therapist was actually a good one. However, I’m suggesting that the two of you visit the therapist together. If you do, it may be educational and save your relationship.
Dear Abby: My husband and I were invited via a group text to a cocktail party, and we accepted. This host provides a name tag for guests, as it is a mix of friends. When guests arrive, it is expected that they find their magnetic name tag and put it on.
When we arrived, we discovered there was no name tag for us on the magnetic board, nor did our names appear on the guest list next to the board. Should we have left the party or stayed? We decided to stay since we had already said our “hellos” and presented the host with a bottle of premium vodka, but it was awkward, and we felt like party crashers.
We were eventually given name tags, but I was asked by the host, “Did you get your name tag from the board when you first got here or was it not there?” (If we hadn’t stopped by the board to get our tag, the error would have been ours.) I told him we had checked but our name tags were not there. I’m sure he already knew that.
The next day, I sent a “thank you” note and expressed our apologies “for the surprise appearance,” but we still wonder if we should have left after we discovered we were not on the guest list.
— Party Crasher
Dear Party Crasher: When you told the host that you had received the mass email invitation, but when you checked the board there was no tag for you nor was your name on the list, you should have shown him your phone as proof you had been invited. That you were made to feel you might not be welcome was, in my opinion, extremely rude.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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