Dear Abby: I caught my husband talking on the phone to another woman. I heard him say, “Get some sleep, sweetheart,” and “Thank you for being my companion.” When I called him on it, he claimed nothing was happening and he had used the wrong words.
He admitted to whom he was talking, and I called her. She said she was just a friend and had no feelings for him that way. Afterward, I still felt something was going on.
That was two years ago, and I do not think the same way about him. He knows this, and continues to tell me he loves me and that nothing went on. Am I right to feel this way?
— Didn’t Buy it In Wisconsin
Dear Didn’t Buy It: People have been known to speak affectionately to each other without an affair going on. Both your husband and the woman denied it. However, with the trust between you and your husband broken after what you heard, the time to begin dealing with it was two years ago. It is still not too late for the two of you to have some sessions with a licensed marriage and family therapist, and that’s what I am urging you to do.
Dear Abby: I’m hoping that you can help me. My sister and I are distanced from each other. We haven’t spoken since the passing of our mother three years ago. Today I learned that she has been diagnosed with stage-3 cancer.
Of course, this has hit me hard. I want to reach out, but I’m not sure how to go about it. She has blocked me from her social media and won’t accept my calls. I need to let her know that I’m here for her. Please advise how to approach this.
— Trying in the Midwest
Dear Trying: Whatever caused the rift with your sister, it is clearly more serious than “distancing.” If you put your thoughts and feelings in a letter to her, it will let her know that you love her, are concerned about her diagnosis and ready to do whatever she will allow you to do to help. That’s all you can do. After that, the ball is in her court. I hope it works.
Dear Abby: You often respond to a person who has been “ghosted” by a friend or relative. I have the opposite problem. I have a longtime friend and colleague who has begun to drive me nuts, creating anxiety and anger whenever I must deal with them.
They are a nice person, but every time I communicate with them, they respond by texts and emails multiple times a day. They have only four go-to topics — one of them being weather. I don’t know how not to hurt their feelings, so ghosting seems like the softest approach. Ideas?
— Future Ghoster in Oregon
Dear Future Ghoster: Explain to this colleague that your schedule is swamped. Then stop responding to the unnecessary texts and emails. If the person asks why or what has changed, repeat that you are jammed and do not have time for personal exchanges during work hours. Period.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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