Dear Abby: Recently, my wife and I and several other couples were houseguests in a large home. Among them was a couple who, when introduced, mentioned that the husband was a chiropractor. The following day, as we were all watching TV, my wife mentioned having neck and arm discomfort. The chiropractor offered to adjust her neck and back and they left.
After 30 minutes, I became concerned. After an hour, other guests were raising their eyebrows. I checked the house and couldn’t find them, but I didn’t look in bedrooms with closed doors. After 90 minutes, I quietly asked his wife where they were, and she said in their bedroom. I requested she check on them, and they promptly came out. There wasn’t a scene, but I was upset. I was later advised that my attitude about this was “inappropriate.” I’d appreciate your take on the situation.
—Dumbfounded in Georgia
Dear Dumbfounded: I don’t think your attitude was inappropriate. You were uncomfortable because of your wife’s long absence with another man while everyone else was mingling. That the chiropractor’s wife knew where her husband and your wife were suggests to me there was nothing for you to worry about, but your feelings were your feelings, and under the circumstances, you were entitled to them.
Dear Abby: My parents live with my husband and me. I have a horrible relationship with my brother. He has always been demeaning, cruel and emotionally abusive to me. When my brother attacks, he goes for the jugular. Whenever I must have contact with him, I get so upset I can’t sleep for days.
My husband and I have decided to cut him out of our lives, but my elderly mother will not accept that. When I tell her I can’t see him, she shakes and cries for days. She says family forgives anything and everything, and I just have to put up with it. Is that true?
—Hurt in Indiana
Dear Hurt: Of course not! Stop telegraphing your plans to your mother, and stay away from your abuser. While you’re doing that, remember that dear old Mom is responsible for her own feelings, and her tears and tremors stop when she gets her own way. You are an adult. You do not have to please your mother. And relatives do not have to forgive the unforgivable just because they happen to be blood-related.
Dear Abby: I have caught a close friend in several lies, small and big, over the past few years. Prior to this, we were close, but since these lies have piled up, I have pulled back. I don’t trust her anymore and wonder how many more lies there are. My question is, should I just let the friendship fizzle, or does she deserve an explanation?
—Truth Teller in New Jersey
Dear Truth Teller: If she asks why your relationship is no longer as close as it once was, tell her the truth since you are the truth teller. Unless she initiates the conversation, I see nothing to be gained by confronting her and possibly creating a scene.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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