Dear Abby: My husband and I have known each other for 36 years and been married for 20. He has a severe drinking problem. He still works and doesn’t drink during the workweek, but he makes up for it in spades on weekends. We both stopped drinking alcohol 15 years ago. I never started again, but he did, and now he can’t stop. He is too proud to seek professional help. He’s an engineer and thinks he can quit on his own, but he is only fooling himself.
My problem is that he retires soon, and I’m afraid he will be drunk all the time. To me, it is a deal-breaker. We are both in our 70s. I retired 15 years ago. If I leave him, I have nowhere to go, with only SSA to support myself. Any advice you may have is welcome because I am at my wits’ end with the whole thing.
—Floundering in Utah
Dear Floundering: Because you didn’t mention Al-Anon, the 12-step program that supports friends and families affected by a loved one’s drinking, I will assume you have never attended any of their meetings. Go online to al-anon.org/info and find out whether there are meetings near you. (You may be surprised to discover there are many.)
If you attend meetings, you will find others who are experiencing problems similar to yours and learn coping methods. You might even find a roommate if you choose to move out. Please don’t wait to start.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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