DEAR ABBY: I’m married, and in my mid-40s. My wife and I have a robust social life, for which we both feel very lucky and blessed. We have amazing friends who are a wonderful support system and with whom we go out regularly.
Lately, our wives have been wanting to go to dance clubs, where the majority of people are half our age. I’m the youngest of the husbands in our friend group. We go along despite feeling uncomfortable. We get weird looks and the occasional comment, and it’s awkward being there.
We’ve talked about it among the guys and agree this is a tough situation. We’ve had conversations with our wives about feeling uncomfortable, and we all got similar responses, like “Well, then don’t come.” The one or two times I’ve sat out, my wife was cool toward me for several days afterward.
She really enjoys going to clubs with her friends and I don’t want her to stop enjoying her life. I also understand she feels safer in those environments when I’m around. It’s just hard for me and my buddies to feel like losers or people who are “much too old to be at the club,” despite the fact that we’re with our wives. Is my perspective valid? Or do I just need to suck it up?
— SUPPORTIVE HUSBAND IN TEXAS
DEAR HUSBAND: No guy is “too old” to go dancing. If your problem is that you feel weird doing it, you and your friends should consider signing up for some dance lessons. (No, I am not kidding.) With someone who is experienced and has the patience to teach you, you might actually have fun. Those who have two left feet or no sense of rhythm should consider another activity on the nights their wives go dancing.
P.S. Your wife should not punish you for feeling awkward about going to those clubs. She should instead be trying to help you.
DEAR ABBY: I had an unpleasant experience when I joined a friend and a friend of hers at a restaurant for dinner recently. I arrived at the agreed-upon time, actually early, and expected to find them waiting in the lobby for me. They were nowhere to be seen, so I texted my friend several times to tell her I was there and to ask where they were. I finally walked around the crowded restaurant and found them seated and eating salads and rolls. They had already ordered their dinners. I was angry.
I thought it was poor etiquette since I was right on time. At least they could have waited to order and start eating. I repeat: I was not late. I will never agree to dine with them again. What do you think of this?
— OFFENDED IN THE EAST
DEAR OFFENDED: I think your friends were rude. It certainly didn’t make you feel welcome. If you could text them, they could have responded to let you know when and where they were seated. I don’t blame you for being reluctant to dine with those two again. If you did, there’s no guarantee you wouldn’t be treated the same way.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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