Dear Abby: I’m a mature male who had a weight problem years ago. When I turned 50, I was diagnosed with metabolic syndrome, hypertension and diabetes. I took my doctor’s advice about diet and 150 minutes of exercise a week. Fast-forward to today, and I have lost almost half my body weight and am now in good shape.
My problem now is finding women near or around my age who have the same dedication to exercise and fitness. It is nearly impossible to find a partner who shares the same values. I have tried dating sites, and almost always get catfished. I go on dates, but if I’m not physically attracted to someone, things don’t get out of the “friend zone.”
I feel physical attraction drives a good part of a healthy relationship. I value having friends, but finding someone who can run, bike, kayak, etc., is, to me, vital to a successful relationship. Should I settle to have someone to spend time with, or keep the faith and hope I find a woman I’m attracted to? I’ve had little luck finding a compatible partner. Am I too picky, given that a lot of people don’t or won’t take care of themselves?
—Discouraged in Memphis
Dear Discouraged: Physical attraction is important, but what attracts us to others varies from person to person. You don’t have to be lonely. Because physical fitness is so important in your life in addition to chemistry, continue to look online. If you do, you will find there is more than one dating site geared to folks who are interested in health and fitness. I wish you luck.
Dear Abby: I am a senior lady who still works at a great job and who is generally very happy with my life. My husband is a clergyman, but we have our own apartment, so my adult daughter lives in the church rectory with her three children and partner. My husband has stated his intention to retire next year—well deserved.
Naturally, my daughter will have to find a new place to live. She has suggested that I sell my apartment and go in with her and her brood on a two-family home. I love her and the grandkids, but my mortgage is paid off, and I don’t want to do this. I seriously doubt she has any savings to contribute to a down payment or any of the other myriad costs of paying for or maintaining a house. How can I respond without hurting her too much?
—Bad Idea in New York
Dear Bad Idea: Your adult daughter has been very fortunate to have parents who have provided shelter for her, her partner and her brood. You didn’t mention whether she and her partner have jobs. (I wish you had.) If they do, they could pool their earnings and be able to pay rent to a landlord.
Ask your daughter how she intends to contribute to the arrangement she is suggesting, and be honest about your feelings. It isn’t hurtful to stand up for yourself. You don’t have to be harsh, but do communicate that what she has in mind wouldn’t work for you.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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