Dear Abby: Three decades ago, my husband and I were a military couple stationed overseas to a remote assignment. I was raped by a fellow officer, but I was too frightened to report it. I became pregnant, and to this day, I cannot truthfully say whether my child is my husband’s or a consequence of the rape.
I greatly love my precious son, but I have looked at him for 33 years praying he is the son of my wonderful husband. I finally shared the stress of my secret with a military doctor 10 years ago and was greatly helped by his response. Until now.
My son is interested in DNA tests, and I am terrified my secret will be exposed. I am unwilling to share this with my husband or my son. I don’t want my life to fall apart as I enter my 70th year and 37th year of marriage. Please advise.
—Anonymous Wife and Mother
Dear Anonymous: Ask your current physician for a confidential referral to a doctor with a specialty in DNA paternity. Consult the person, explain the circumstances and ask if it would be possible to submit samples of your husband’s and your son’s DNA for examination. Getting DNA can be as simple as collecting a toothbrush or an eating utensil the person has used.
If it turns out that your son is not your husband’s, I’m advising that you tell them both about what happened to you so they won’t wrongly conclude that you were unfaithful. What happened to you was not your fault.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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