Dear Abby: My “best friend,” as he has labeled our relationship, moved in with me eight months ago. He claims to have no romantic feelings for me. Despite this, he sleeps in my bed next to me and kisses me. (He claims to be asleep when he does it and says he doesn’t remember it happening.) He encourages us to be sexually intimate and texts me daily “I miss you” messages when I leave town to visit my mom.
He says he doesn’t want to be with me because “he doesn’t see me that way.” He also talks to another girl. He claims they’re also just friends and have only a platonic connection, but I’ve seen kissy emojis, “miss you” texts, and nude photos they’ve exchanged.
I feel used and asked him to leave, but he refused to acknowledge my request. When I asked him why he lives with me, he said it’s because I am a better alternative to sleeping on his mom’s couch next to her dog. I cannot express how painful it was to hear that.
At this point, he owes me $1,000 in unpaid rent, and I’m over feeling like I fell in love with someone who doesn’t have the capacity to love even himself. How do I get this guy out of my house and out of my heart so I no longer feel like a live-in maid, concubine, bank account, chef and personal assistant in exchange for the privilege of being mistreated?
—Used in Georgia
Dear Used: How do you get this poor excuse for a man out of your heart? From the tone of your letter, you are already more than halfway there. Turn off the money spigot, quit cooking and washing his clothes for him, and when he climbs into your bed, kick him out of it and tell him if he wants sex, to get it from his other “friend.” It would be money well spent for you to consult an attorney about his refusal to leave your dwelling because it may take a formal eviction.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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