Dear Abby: I am a male scientist at a large university. Four years ago, I was surprised to receive an email from someone with whom I’d been friends many years ago, when he was a postdoctoral fellow in our department. We were good friends back then, but we lost contact when he moved east and quit research. He now works in computer security. After he reinitiated contact, we resumed the friendship, with regular phone calls and emails.
Two years ago, he invited me to spend the day with him and his wife (whom I’d never met), when I visited my family on the East Coast. Since my family lives near him, I took him up on the offer and spent a very pleasant day with them at their home.
Abby, I never heard from him again! After sending several emails and a postcard thanking him and his wife for being gracious hosts, there has been silence ever since. Incidentally, we’re both Jewish, as is his wife. During the years before he reconnected with me, he became Orthodox and very observant, which I am not. Any thoughts about what is going on and what, if anything, I can do about it?
— Baffled In California
Dear Baffled: What might have happened during your visit with this old/new friend is anybody’s guess. I doubt your lack of religiosity has anything to do with this. Perhaps his wife discouraged further contact. Because he never explained why he was withdrawing, you may never know. But as things stand, I don’t think there’s anything you can do about it. If you hear from him in another few years, feel free to ask him.
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