
Dear Eric: I have a friend who has struggled with mental health issues following a breakdown a few years ago. She has a diagnosis and is on medication. She is not supposed to drink alcohol while on the medication but continues to do so, despite hearing the concerns from her friends and family.
She is not a raging alcoholic but does have a couple of cocktails most days. She is also very depressed and clearly not on a good path.
I know that no one can make the decision to get better but her. It’s hard to watch her suffer, and it’s also frustrating to know that she could do something about it but won’t.
She is my friend, and I care about her, but I don’t feel that I can stand by and watch this unfold any longer. Do I remove myself from the friendship? Do I make it clear to her how I feel, despite knowing she will react negatively? Do I do nothing?
—Frustrated Friend
Dear Friend: Stay in her life but set good boundaries. You can be clear with her that some of her behavior is concerning and destructive and it hurts to be around her. If she reacts negatively, hold your ground and tell her you’ll be there for her when she cools off. It’s up to her to accept the outstretched hand (and to see that it’s not a wagging finger, scolding her).
You’re correct that she’s the only one who can decide to make a change. But you can investigate resources for providing her support and pointing her toward recovery by visiting the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Association (samhsa.gov).
Being a good friend doesn’t mean accepting everything your friend does. Sometimes the best thing a friend can do is call us out on dangerous behavior or express concern about unhealthy patterns. Ask yourself what you need to feel safe in this friendship and relate to her from that place. That will keep you from getting too drawn in but will still provide her with someone to call when she’s ready to seek help.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.