Dear Eric: I’m writing about “Work Disappointment”, who was passed over for a promotion in favor of two coworkers who the letter writer said weren’t as qualified. I had a similar thing happen to me. While it was scary, I made an appointment with the person who made the choices and very respectfully told her that I sincerely wanted to know what in my performance needed improvement, so I could work on those areas for future opportunities.
I was very proud of myself for having the courage to carry this out. While this administrator did not, in my opinion, have the same courage back to me, she did later recommend me for a promotion that was over the folks promoted earlier. And I accepted that gratefully.
I always tell my staff, “The interview is an inherently flawed process. But it’s the best one we have.”
—Promoted
Dear Promoted: Wonderful advice. The ability to ask for and incorporate constructive feedback is crucial to success at every point in a career. Moreover, a no, while disappointing, can often be an opportunity to learn, reframe or re-evaluate one’s goals.
Dear Eric: I love your column and find your responses thought-provoking. Your answer to “Dad’s Wife” whose estranged stepdaughter wants contact with her now that the stepdaughter had a baby left out a question or two in my opinion.
Most important to me is whether the husband and wife want to build a relationship with their granddaughter and how her decision impacts that. We all live with polite fictions sometimes. If the grandchild is important to them, Wife may want to go through the motions and look for the positives, possibly even changes in the new mother, while still being a bit wary.
She also didn’t mention her husband and the son-in-law’s awareness and role in the daughter’s behavior. There are five people now involved.
—Reader
Dear Reader: The phrase “we all live with polite fictions” is spot-on and so vivid. And also quite true, for better or worse. The letter writer felt used and belittled by the stepdaughter, so there’s work to do to keep the peace. But, if grandparenthood is a priority for the letter writer, it may be worth opening up a blank document on the relationship and composing some fiction.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
