Dear Eric: My sister is a retired career U.S. Army nurse, having reached the rank of lieutenant colonel. This status has led her to believe she’s better than anyone without military cred or medical knowledge. I was in the Navy Reserve but for her this doesn’t count.
Recently, she suggested that six of our family members—we three sisters and our husbands—gather to celebrate that three of them have milestone birthdays this year. We thought it was a fun idea, so we agreed on a date. She then asked if she could invite her husband’s sister, whom four of us don’t know. My other sister and I said we didn’t support the invitation, pointing out that the sister-in-law would change the dynamic in a negative way, noting that my sister and her husband don’t even like the sister-in-law, so the invitation seems like a pity invite. My elder sister then put the kibosh on the event. My other sister and I still would like to have the gathering. Any ideas on how to approach a bossy elder sibling? This isn’t the first time she has co-opted an event, and we’re tired of the drama.
—Weary of Imperious Sister
Dear Sister: You’ve already saved the date and made tentative plans, so there’s nothing stopping you and your other sister from going ahead with the celebration. You can even tell your elder sister, “we thought it was a great idea, and we’d hate to not get together. Please consider joining us.”
As the person who planned the event initially, she was, I suppose, within her rights to make the guest list. And you were within your rights to voice your objections. But she doesn’t get to decide when and how you all gather. If you’re willing to do the work to organize it, you should go.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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