Dear Eric: I am a youngish widow with an empty nest. Last year I moved to be near my daughter to help her with her young twins. My daughter and her husband have jobs that require them to leave home at about 6 a.m. I arrive at their home at six, and they leave. The kids are still sleeping.
While I wait for them to wake up, I do a few chores. These are not deep cleaning, just things I would have loved to come home to as a working mom with young kids. I unload the dishwasher, clean up the kitchen, gather up any laundry, run a load of wash and fold whatever clean clothes are in the dryer.
By this time the kids are waking up. They are three years old and not fully potty trained. So, I am busy changing, feeding, dressing them and then taking them to daycare.
Sometimes the laundry doesn’t get folded “right”. By that I mean I put all the kids’ clothes in one stack, my son-in-law’s in a stack, my daughter’s in a stack and towels in another.
Frequently the clothes come out of the dryer inside out. I am quickly folding, feeding, and cleaning. My daughter has indicated my son-in-law is not happy with the way I fold the clothes and sometimes I just fold the T-shirts and don’t turn them right side out. I am tempted to just leave his clothes in the dryer, but that seems petty. I don’t want to interfere in her marriage, but I would appreciate an outside opinion.
— Clothes’d Off
Dear Clothes’d: Once a friend of the family came to babysit me and my brothers while my parents were away. She did a load of laundry and folded the towels in halves. We, as a family, fold the towels in thirds. My brothers and I found this outrageous. Well, let me be honest, I found it outrageous. I doubt my younger brothers cared. But when my parents came home, they were just grateful to have had the help.
Your daughter should stop reporting to you about what your son-in-law likes or doesn’t like in regards to the laundry. Getting this help is a privilege. And, at the end of the day, the clothes are going to get unfolded and put on bodies. (Well, actually the clothes are getting put on bodies at the beginning of the day.)
We all like the aspects of our home lives to be as we’d like them to be, but your son-in-law is making a mountain out of a pile of T-shirts.
Ask your daughter, “Would you rather I leave the laundry alone?” Maybe the answer is yes, which feels like a foolish choice on their part. However, if that is what they want, you may want to follow up by asking who will be doing the laundry if not you. The task shouldn’t automatically fall to your daughter, especially if it’s your son-in-law who is chock full of opinions.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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