Dear Eric: My husband loves going to the gym since he has retired. But he goes at 11 p.m. or 12 midnight. He said that going at that time there are just a couple of people there and he has access to all the machines, which is fine. The downside is that when he comes back home at 1:30-2 a.m. the garage door or the lights or the door just opening wakes me.
I have asked that he move the gym time earlier, but he doesn’t understand why this bothers me and why I wake up. I think it’s because I hear something while I sleep and then I awake. Once awake I look at the time and it’s 1:30 a.m. or 1:45 a.m. and then I realize why I wake up. I know he tries to be quiet, but I just hear this in my subconscious and just wake up.
By the time I fall back to sleep it’s 3 a.m. or 3:30 a.m. and I wake up at 4:20 a.m. to start my day and go to work. He is retired and can go anytime to the gym, and I still work. I go to bed at around 10:30 p.m. but the broken sleep is just killing me.
—Not Working Out
Dear Not Working Out: I don’t know what kind of bodybuilder utopia you live in, but I’d wager that the gym is as empty at 2 a.m. as it is at 11 p.m., if not more so. So, see if your husband will go later, not earlier. This would have him getting home at the same time as you’re waking up.
You can also try wearing earplugs and a sleep mask, to help preserve your slumber.
He’s got to compromise with you, though. He may not understand why his noise wakes you up, but that doesn’t make it any less of a fact. He’s enjoying the privileges of retirement, and that’s great, but being free of a 9-to-5 isn’t the same as being free from courtesy and empathy in a relationship. Be firm about this—if he won’t work with you to find a solution, ask him why.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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