Dear Eric: I am in a second marriage. My husband and I are retired. His family is large and all grown adults. My family is small; similar situation. I have been sending birthday cards, without money, with heartfelt messages to all the nieces and nephews and daughters-in-law for their birthdays for the last 10 years. I have not received one in return. Sometimes I get a text acknowledging the card. Never a card returned. Should I continue this practice?
—Birthday Silence
Dear Birthday: Only if it brings you joy. I can’t imagine getting one card and not reaching out with a thanks, let alone a whole decade’s worth of cards. But, considering how much this comes up in this column, many people do it.
Relationships are two-way streets. If you get satisfaction from sending well-wishes to your loved ones, don’t let their rudeness steal your joy. But, if it’s bothering you, it’s fine to stop.
Dear Eric: I began dating a very nice man a few months ago. He is pleasant, cheerful, respectful and good-looking. Any woman would fall head over heels in love with him. But not me. I need to break up with a very nice man, and I don’t want to hurt him. All our conversations revolve around him. I’m an audience for him, not a partner. He seems to have zero physical attraction to me. And he’s made a few comments that make me question if our core values are farther apart than I thought.
But he is in very poor health, and I am worried that any emotional stress could impact his health. How do I break up with him without hurting him?
—Painless Breakup
Dear Painless: It’s a cliché but “I think we’re better as friends” still works. You can, if you want, go into the ways that you’re incompatible with each other. But you really don’t have to. Part of having adult relationships is knowing that dating doesn’t always work out. You can be kind and respectful while still being clear about what you need.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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