Dear Eric: My husband doesn’t live in the country in which he was born. Because of that, I’ve tried to connect with his family. We visited his family over the years and vice versa. He has a cousin who asked if we could stay in touch through the messaging app WhatsApp and her husband also requested to be included. Great!
Unfortunately, his wife uses the app to send every TikTok video she finds interesting, and every prayer printed on her links. I’m a Christian and love the Lord, but I don’t need 12 messages a day about anything from anyone.
Because my family is so close knit, I don’t want to sever the few ties he has, but I also don’t want to go crazy continuing in his cousin’s distribution loop.
– WhatsApprehension
Dear WhatsApprehension: We need a global conference on chat etiquette. The memes are out of control.
You have a few options here. If she’s sending the memes and videos directly, you can ask her to take you out of the rotation for the sake of your data, your notifications, or to keep you from distraction. It’s hard to take offense when someone says they simply don’t have the bandwidth (mental or technological) for every online find.
You can also mute her for a time, checking in when you need to chat or if you have a sudden appetite for viewing five hours of TikToks in a row. This option has its pitfalls, of course—what if she sends an important message amidst the barrage? But I’ve found that people who treat messaging apps like they’re curating a syllabus for a course on digital treasures don’t expect a response to each one.
One of the best things about WhatsApp is that you can mute for a specific amount of time—eight hours, a week, or until you unmute. So, if you don’t feel up to talking to her, consider taking week-long breaks and checking in on the prayer links every Sunday.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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