Dear Eric: I have a girlfriend that helps me by driving me to out-of-town doctor appointments. I’m old enough to be her mother.
She is disabled and on a small income. I’m blessed with a healthy retirement income.
I have gifted her several items. Recently, I got her a TV for her bedroom. A week passed and I asked what she did with the smaller one I gave her. She said, “Oh, I sold it for 30 bucks.” I was floored. I paid $200 for it.
Now, I want to say to her that my gift-giving days are over. I gave her a set of stainless silverware that I’ve never seen her use. I’m so mad. Why didn’t she offer it back to me? Should I say something?
—Hurt Friend
Dear Friend: I know your heart was in the right place, but it seems your friend needed $30 more than she needed a new television. When giving gifts, we don’t get to dictate how they’re used. Indeed, the hope of the gift-giver is that they haven’t somehow misunderstood and given a gift that the recipient doesn’t have use for.
Petulantly withholding future gifts reflects poorly on you. Especially considering she gives of her time and resources by helping you with rides.
Instead, try telling her that you had hoped the TV would make her happier, but you understand. Ask if, in the future—say for birthdays or holidays—a gift card or cash would go further.
Dear Eric: Regarding the letter from the remarried couple with the dilemma of what to do with their remains when they die and how to honor their late spouses at the same time (“Thinking Ahead”), I have an easy solution. Like them, my name is on my late husband’s stone, and I will be buried there but I would also like to be buried with my parents in another state. Consequently, I will be cremated and have my ashes split and buried in both graves.
—Two Resting Places
Dear Places: Cremation or aquamation (also known as biocremation or alkaline hydrolysis, a water-based process that breaks the body down similar to cremation but without burning) are great options if they match the couple’s desires for their bodies after death.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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