Dear Eric: A friend I have known for many years recently asked me for about $30,000. He needed the money to pay off old debts, which he claimed he had. I doubt that. He does not work and owns a few rental properties.
I responded that I was sorry and couldn’t give him that kind of money and further suggested he go to his bank and ask for a loan.
He wouldn’t hear of it, questioned our friendship and then lectured me that friends are not only for the good times but also for times in need. He then abruptly ended our friendship.
I was disappointed and sad. What should I say to this person after he dumped me? Should I have given him money in order to keep the friendship?
– Finance Friend
Dear Friend: When relationships start coming with exorbitant price tags, I stop calling them friendships and start calling them rental agreements. At $30,000, the rent with this landlord is too high.
I’m afraid that if your friend is willing to abruptly sever your ties over this, there may not be much to salvage here.
Perhaps the stress of his financial situation is clouding his judgment. You can reach out to him to express your hurt over the way things ended and ask him to help you understand his point of view.
Maybe he thinks you’re flush with cash and this figure is no big deal.
But it’s a big deal to you. And, moreover, if you don’t feel comfortable giving him the money, then “no” is a complete, loving sentence.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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