Dear Eric: Throughout my childhood, my cousin always had to have her friend join family events.
Fast-forward 40 years and my cousin has moved back home after widowhood. Guess who’s back at everything?
The friend is a lovely person. I have no issue with her. It’s just that sometimes we want it to be only family. How do I broach this?
— Perplexed Cousin
Dear Cousin: Where I’m from, people used to talk about having “play cousins” — people who weren’t really related to you but with whom you were often expected to hang out because your parents were friends, or what have you.
I think you have a play cousin.
And your blood relative, your actual cousin, may see her friend as part of the family. She may care about her as if they were related.
It’s also possible that they have a deeper relationship.
Ask your cousin in a nonjudgmental way to tell you about the friendship. Ask her if the friend feels more like family. Depending on what your cousin says, you may just need to set another place at the table.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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