Dear Eric: My friend bought me tickets to a concert that I really was looking forward to. She bought these tickets to thank me for all the concerts I have treated her to.
One of the reasons that I have treated her so often is because my partner rarely wants to see the same bands as me. He also buys tickets, and I always go with him regardless of whether or not I like the band.
He bought tickets to see a band that I have never even heard of for the same night. I don’t want to go, but I feel like he is going to be upset with me. I also know that if I ask my friend to offer her tickets to someone else, she too will be upset with me. Either way, I can’t win because I really want to go with my friend, but I feel like it is not worth the conflict with my partner. What do you think I should do?
—Disconcerted
Dear Disconcerted: To use a Bob Dylan song title, “Don’t Think Twice, It’s All Right” to go to the concert with your friend. Decline your partner’s invite and “Go Your Own Way,” as Fleetwood Mac sang. Your partner can enjoy his concert “With a Little Help From [his] Friends” (Joe Cocker), or he can go “Alone” (Heart). Either way, his peevishness isn’t a reason to “Listen to the Music” (Doobie Brothers) you don’t even know.
You accommodate your partner by going to shows you don’t care about, but it begs the question that Janet Jackson posed: “What Have You Done For Me Lately?” It’s a “Sweet Thing” (Chaka Khan) to go along with him, but not if it comes at the expense of your own “Good Times” (Alan Jackson).
In all seriousness, it’s concerning that his demands are taking up so much attention here. That’s not a healthy dynamic, especially if he’s not even asking you in advance or going to shows you want to go to. Where’s the give and take? Or the gratitude for the time you spend at concerts of artists you don’t know, listening to songs you’ve never heard? Sounds like a sacrifice to me.
Tell him you appreciate the thought, but you’re not available the night of the concert in question. Hopefully, he’ll be happy that you’ll both be having a fun concert experience. But if not, “That’s Life” (Frank Sinatra).
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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