Asking Eric: My alcoholic neighbor drives after drinking — what should I do?

Dear Eric: I have an alcoholic neighbor with whom I am friendly. We do minor favors for each other. I am aware that he drinks and drives home from a nearby bar, which I have issues about. He drives a shuttle for airport crews and others, and I don’t believe he drinks before he does those rides. But he frequents the bar often, and then drives home, which is a mile or so.

I feel like I should tell the police before he does have a crash with terrible consequences for someone else. We live on a major highway, and I am always afraid when I know he’s gone to the bar.

I don’t want him to lose his job, or face DUI charges if he’s caught, but even more, I don’t want him to have to confront knowing he badly injured or killed someone.

I feel tormented by this. I feel guilty for thinking I should rat him out, because he helped me out quite a bit, and doing so would make me an ingrate. I am the child of an alcoholic, so I have trouble telling what’s my responsibility and what isn’t, from being taught everything was my fault. I also fear that if I don’t rat him out, and he gets in a terrible crash that kills someone, it will be my fault for not reporting him for the irresponsible behavior. Can you please clear this up for me, so I can stop spinning about it?

— A Concerned Neighbor

Dear Neighbor: Let’s shift some terminology to see things a little more clearly. If you have knowledge that someone is driving under the influence, it’s your civic duty and your legal right to alert the authorities about the danger this action poses to the driver himself and to the public. Your history as the child of someone who suffered from alcoholism may prompt you to frame this action as ratting out, but I invite you to think of it instead as showing up for your neighbors, in the same way that pulling a fire alarm would be.

You can choose to call 911 if you have knowledge of immediate danger, or many law enforcement agencies have non-emergency online portals or local numbers for reporting concerns.

You can also talk to him about your concerns and ask that he stop. But you may find that this is a situation that’s better navigated by trained people in positions of authority.

I want to be clear: if something terrible were to happen or if your neighbor fails a field sobriety test after being stopped, it would not be “your fault.” Alcoholism is a disease and while your neighbor is not a bad person for having an illness, he is responsible for what he does while suffering from that illness.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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