Dear Eric: In spite of my best intentions, I have unfortunately been a poor gift receiver as of late. I had a baby last year, my first, and my family and friends blessed me so deeply as we prepared to receive him. I had not one, not two, but three(!) lovely showers given.
I truly did my best to keep up with thank you notes. I sent out the notes for the first shower within 30 days. The next shower, I sent out thank yous to the hosts and got through most of the guests. Then I had the baby.
For the third shower, given two weeks before I gave birth, I honestly cannot even remember if I sent out a thank you to my lovely hostesses. I know I bought cards to do so.
It has been nine months now. The only reason I think I can even attempt this now is because my baby has recently started sleeping through the night, which affords me evening hours I didn’t previously have. I am truly ashamed of my tardiness but do still want to send my gratitude as I have been thankful every day in my heart for the clothes, supplies and support they offered.
Do you think it is appropriate to express an apology along with my thanks in these notes? And if so, how?
— Late but Grateful
Dear Grateful: The way you write to me, a stranger, is so filled with gratitude, authenticity and warmth that I can’t imagine a friend getting a thank you note from you and feeling anything but joy, no matter how late it is.
You had a baby! Your life was turned upside down! You haven’t slept in nine months! You don’t have to offer an apology, but I think it would put your mind at ease. So, try this: I hope you’ll accept this heartfelt thank you much later than I intended to send it. The whirlwind of life with a new baby was a lot to handle. Please know that the tardiness doesn’t reflect how grateful I am, as I have been thankful every day in my heart. (I used some of your words; they’re so lovely!)
Your family and friends aren’t standing by the mailbox, tapping their toes. I’m sure they’ll be happy to hear from you, but don’t feel like you have to over-apologize. I declare amnesty!
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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