Dear Eric: The question from “Confused Son” about his 80-something dad and stepmom’s new hesitation to accepting invitations touched my heart.
When I was in my 40s and 50s, my husband and I were in full-time careers, raising three kids, visiting colleges, attending school and social events, etc. I was very frustrated when I would ask my retired parents over for dinner a week ahead of time and they’d hem and haw. “Well, I have the cardiologist on Monday, and Dad has the dentist Friday. We’re playing golf Thursday. I don’t know if we can make it Saturday.”
I was also confused.
Now we are retired, in our 70s and generally healthy. Our calendar is pretty full, with our medical appointments, my husband’s part-time job, babysitting commitments, yoga class and lunches I have with my friends. When I look at the calendar and see a day with nothing written on it, it brings a sense of joy and peace. My husband and I laugh about how we used to get annoyed by my parents’ lack of availability. Your advice was spot-on.
—Happy to Do Nothing
Dear Happy: Thank you for your letter. I wanted to share it with the wider readership because it’s a great example of something that trips so many of us up sometimes: we don’t know what we don’t know. But it also serves as a reminder that empathy for others, even if we don’t understand where they’re coming from, can open the door to a new understanding. I say it every now and then, but it bears repeating — everyone is the star of their own show. We can’t always see the world from other people’s vantage points. But by being curious about what those around us are going through, and communicating with others, our worlds get bigger and our capacity for empathy grows.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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