Dear Eric: Sitting there bored and hoping to be ignored is me at get-togethers like meals or parties. I have poor hearing even using fine, well-adjusted hearing aids. I’m generally unable to follow one person. And groups never.
I’d much rather be reading or off busy at some hobby, but that would be impolite and inconsiderate of guests. Bad! But they are being inconsiderate of me, and that’s somehow OK?
My wife helps me by repeating snippets or an occasional question if one is asked of me. Avoid those situations? I do it when I can. Otherwise, the only solution that seems acceptable is me wasting an hour or two just sitting in noisy silence trying to look awake and involved: laugh, smile, or frown when others do. Even that fails should I misread the crowd. Do you have any ideas?
—Happy Alone
Dear Happy: It’s not inconsiderate to be mindful of the body that you’re in and the things you need. That may look like telling your wife that social get-togethers are out for you. Which is absolutely fine, as long as you’re happy doing other things. If she won’t accept that, you can talk it through, but you can also be firm. This is what feels right for you.
Another option is restructuring the get-togethers to better accommodate you, which your friends and loved ones.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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