Dear Eric: This past year, my husband and I received three wedding invitations and a graduation invitation from our close relatives’ children. We were unable to attend these events due to them taking place out of state. We never hear from any of these relatives, and know that they send these invitations with the intention of getting a gift of some sort. We know that this is typical and normal.
We don’t have a lot of extra money in our budget, but were gracious enough to send a card with $100 to each of them. To date we have not received a thank you note or any acknowledgement from any of them.
They are all under 30. We are at a loss for words with the lack of gratitude that the younger generation exhibits when a gift has been given for their special occasion.
This really bothers us to the point that we don’t really want to engage in sending money or gifts for these special occasions anymore. How do we navigate our feelings?
— Disenchanted Gift Giver
Dear Giver: The problem of thank you notes and expressions of gratitude comes up a lot in the letters I receive. This is especially odd to me because there seem to be more and more of those little stores that sell greeting cards, chocolates, and housewarming gifts. Are people just buying boxes of thank you notes and never sending them? What are they doing with them? Making papier-mâché? Impractical.
No matter the manners, saying “thank you” when someone does something kind is just basic communication. As such, it extends beyond generational shifts.
Two options: communicate with your close relatives that their children dropped the ball or go directly to the children to let them know what your expectation was. It’s OK to say to someone “when I send a gift, I expect an acknowledgement. Do you have a different expectation?”
In the future, if you get another gift solicitation from them, you can always opt to donate to a charity in their name and let them know. This is also a good option for invites that ask for “no gifts”. At the very least, the charity will send you a thank you note.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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