Asking Eric: How do we support a volunteer with possible dementia?

Dear Eric: I am in a leadership role at my church. Our community is very loving. We have a relatively new member who is a dear older woman. We think she may be dealing with a bit of dementia. She is very grateful for our community and wants to be involved.

The problem is she signs up to do many of the tasks needed for Sundays and for other events/occasions, but then doesn’t show up or doesn’t do the tasks that are part of the thing she signed up for. How do we handle this in a loving, kind and compassionate way?

We have an online sign-up that has a specific number of people needed for each task. If she takes one of these slots, all of the work ends up being on the other person or people’s shoulders. Please help, thank you!

— Trying to Be Kind

Dear Kind: A multi-prong strategy will work best. First, you may want to keep an eye on the volunteer signups and, if her name appears, open up another slot so that your bases are covered.

Secondly, see if there’s a member of your congregation who can act as a volunteer buddy. Is there someone who can foster a stronger relationship with her and reach out with reminders about events, or even offer rides or other help? This kind of service can be integral in keeping community members meaningfully involved and can also provide another set of caring eyes on a potentially vulnerable older adult.

Lastly, you can talk to her about it in a non-judgmental way, letting her know about an instance or two that you noticed, asking if she’s also noticed this, and suggesting strategies, like the volunteer buddy or a different kind of volunteer job, that work for both of you.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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