Dear Eric: I am a mahjongg instructor and enthusiast, and I run a mahjongg social at a public park. We have a group of anywhere from 20 to 50 players who meet up and use tables reserved for our group. Everyone knows how to play, and we welcome all levels of players.
We do not, however, provide lessons, as it is a complex game to learn. A young woman approached me as the leader of the group and demanded to be placed at a table, although she did not know how to play. She had been playing a matching tile game on her phone which calls itself mahjongg but has nothing to do with the actual game of mahjongg, in either its Asian or American variants.
I told her I would be unable to place her, but she was welcome to observe, and I could provide information on where to take lessons.
She said, “Well, that’s not very inclusive,” and became insistent that she could just sit down and “pick it up.” When I told her it was too complex to learn that way, she began to berate me and ask me personal questions about whether I have ever been excluded. I referred her to the park staff who spoke to her.
When I left, I saw that she had bullied one of our players into giving her a free lesson. My question is, if she should come to our next session, how should I handle it? And does “inclusion” really extend to this situation?
— Odd One Out
Dear Odd One Out: This person was misusing terminology about inclusion to get what she wanted, which is not appropriate, nor does it serve anyone. However, to avoid similar situations, I think you should be clearer about what your policies are.
You write that you welcome all levels of players, so do you welcome beginners, or not? And what constitutes a beginner? If your group wants to set as a rule that everyone who joins has to first take a lesson, that should be the standard for everyone. This group is large enough that these kinds of guidelines are not only helpful, but necessary.
Put your head together with the other people who run this group and discuss what growth looks like for the group. Is there a desire to limit the size of the group? Are there steps to gaining entry? To whom should potential players submit their applications?
Putting systems in place helps to standardize your practices. If you put them in writing — in print or online — it will also help you navigate future conversations with prospective players.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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