Dear Eric: My daughter visited my son and daughter-in-law in anticipation of the arrival of their baby daughter. The nursery was decorated with wallpaper that had roses as a motif. My daughter loved the design.
A year later, my daughter gave birth to her daughter, named Rose. She had looked online for many wallpaper designs but returned to the same rose design that my daughter-in-law had, which was a very popular choice and fit my granddaughter’s name.
My daughter-in-law is very hurt. Now she will not speak with my daughter or attend any family occasions if my daughter is present because she feels that my daughter stole her idea. She insists that my daughter remove the rose design wallpaper.
I suggested to my daughter that she change the wallpaper to “keep the peace” as it is only wallpaper. My daughter refuses to do so because she loves the wallpaper, it is not “unique” as many have it, and she does not want to give in to what she considers irrational demands. What would you suggest?
— Thorny Dilemma
Dear Thorny: I suggest that your daughter-in-law go outside, calm down and touch some grass. She cannot have a monopoly on every product. And buying it first doesn’t give her “dibs.” One cannot be a Conquistador of Costco.
Your daughter doesn’t need to remodel a room in her home to appease your daughter-in-law. That peace isn’t worth keeping. The position your daughter-in-law is taking is unreasonable and, perhaps worse, no fun.
During the first few years of the pandemic, a wall of my office was covered by a gorgeous wallpaper with huge floral blooms in the style of a Dutch Masters painting. It was designed by Ellie Cashman and elicited enthusiastic comments every single time I logged on to a Zoom, which was multiple times a day. And multiple times a day I would happily tell people where the wallpaper was from and I’d drop the link in the chat box for good measure.
(I have no stake, financial or otherwise, in Ellie Cashman Design. I’ve just never been happier with a purchase.)
It does no one any good to hoard the things that make you happy. Joy is not a scarce commodity.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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