Dear Eric: My husband and I recently moved into a condominium. Our first holiday here I had a small holiday gathering. Some of the neighbors do not like each other and some did not come. We don’t know whether to try it again or let it go. About half of the small group invited did not come. I don’t want to include those who backed out at the last moment, but my husband thinks I should. Your thoughts?
—Second Chance Festivities
Dear Festivities: If your husband is genuinely interested in cultivating friendships with the people who canceled last year, then a second invitation might be a good way to go about it. It’s not as useful, I think, as a one-on-one invitation, especially in a condo building rife with contentious relationships. But if he’s doing it out of a sense of obligation, there’s no need.
It sounds like there’s a lot of drama going on in this building. I understand the desire to make new connections and to get to know your neighbors. But it seems burdensome to go to the trouble of planning and executing a gathering, only to have your efforts go to waste because of situations you have no control over nor any stake in.
My take: invite the ones who showed up last year, build on those relationships and find other ways to get to know the rest of your neighbors.
Dear Eric: I have a weekend planned with my sister-in-law. We split the cost for two nights. We each paid about $250. There was a cancellation policy that after a certain date you could not get a refund. That date has passed. She now has a conflict which is completely legitimate and possibly can’t come. I can still go. Should I offer to pay her back for her half if I go without her?
—Solo Vacation
Dear Vacation: If you can afford it, it would be kind to reimburse her. However, it’s not a requirement.
You both entered into the agreement with the hotel or resort and both paid knowing about their cancellation policy. So, the obligation for reimbursement doesn’t sit with you.
It isn’t as if you’ll be getting twice the value, so you’re not getting something for nothing. Rather, you’ll be getting what you paid for. It’s unfortunate that she can’t also get what she paid for—presumably the other bed in a double room or a room in a suite. But one presumes she understands that your hands are as tied as hers are.
On the next trip, perhaps spring for a dinner or an excursion, if you’d like. With regard to this trip, however, enjoy your break with a clear conscience.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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