Dear Eric: During the process of our moving from a large house to an apartment in a retirement community, my daughter-in-law asked my son to leave their house. I had already arranged to give them many things, including my late daughter’s artwork, two antique Chinese wedding chests, and a Turkish rug. I paid to have these things, as well as a dining set, two sofas, and beds, moved to their house, thinking that they would get back together.
It’s now been months, and she is unwilling to reunite again. I’ve found that I have room in our apartment for the wedding chests, my daughter’s artwork, and the rug. We had a good relationship with my daughter-in-law until the separation. Now we have no communication with her. Am I justified in asking for these things back?
—Heartbroken Mother-in-Law
Dear Heartbroken: Yes, you can ask for them back. It’s a little odd that she’d agree to take them while in the process of separating and that she hasn’t proactively reached out to you about them, especially your daughter’s artwork. But chalk it up to the stress of the relationship. And she very well may have thought it was only a trial separation, too.
Before you reach out, it’s wise to loop your son in about your plans. He may have already made arrangements for the items as part of their mediation—or whatever process they’re using to negotiate their separation. Or he may request that you let him handle it because the situation is complicated.
But if he gives the OK for you to reach out directly, I encourage you to do it. While your relationship with your daughter-in-law has changed, this logistical question offers you the opportunity to tie up some emotional loose ends and part with peace.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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