Dear Eric: While volunteering at my children’s school another mother asked me, “Why do you wear makeup?” She followed that rude question with, “I think it sends the wrong message.”
I was completely flabbergasted and didn’t know how to respond. Somehow, I felt as if she was judging my morality and that my presence was not welcome around the students. How should I have responded?
— Left Holding the Makeup Bag
Dear Makeup: When I read your letter, I actually said aloud, “Oh, absolutely not.” So, you have my sympathies and my respect for not causing a scene at the school.
You could have asked, in response to her statement that your makeup sends the wrong message, “And what message would that be?” That is, if you wanted to see her contort herself into a pretzel justifying the supposed salaciousness of blush and eyeliner. Most nosy people can’t really articulate their bad opinions beyond “it’s just what I think.”
But sometimes the best response is to let people be loud and wrong and away from you.
She was trying to shame you based on her notions about makeup, but you wear makeup for your own reasons. Maybe you see it as artistic expression. Maybe you want to enhance your beauty. Maybe you just like it. All reasons are valid.
It’s your face. If she doesn’t like it, she can look at something else.
Dear Eric: This is in response to Present Not Accounted For, who questioned the convenience of having “babysitters” in the letter-writer’s current location, and then asked “Who needs babysitters?”
Who needs babysitters? Parents with kids! Parents after divorce who consider the proximity to kids who can watch their children responsibly as one of their main criteria when choosing a new place to live!
Dear Reader: I agree, to an extent. The letter-writer was, to my mind, weighing the options available for their own happiness. Naturally, that happiness will be connected to the happiness of their kids. But the needs of the kids and the needs of the parent aren’t in conflict here.
When making life changes, finding a path that benefits the whole system is the ideal.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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