Dear Amy: I am wondering if I should intervene for a friend and neighbor who appears to be being taken advantage of by her daughter and granddaughter.
“Edna” and “Max” retired eight years ago. (Edna is the neighborhood piano teacher. Many children and adults have benefited from her lessons.)
Shortly after Max passed away seven years ago, Edna’s divorced, unemployed daughter, “Lara,” moved in with her. Now, Lara’s unemployed daughter (Edna’s granddaughter) has moved in bringing her four young children with her.
The last time I saw Edna, she was crying and said that her daughter and granddaughter are sponging off of her, spending her Social Security, and because the unruly children are allowed to scream, fight, and wail incessantly, she’s had to give up her piano clients.
She said her daughter has talked her into a reverse mortgage so she and her granddaughter can have access to more of her money.
She says she is a prisoner in her room. I provided my advice — kick them all out!
Last week, I knocked on her door and her daughter turned me away, saying Edna has dementia symptoms and cannot talk to neighbors or go outside the house.
I don’t buy it. I am worried about Edna but do not want to be a busybody.
Your advice?
— Worried
Dear Worried: You should intervene, and do so quickly. “Just kick them out” is not practical advice when the abuse has progressed to this extent. “Edna” is trapped.
You should do a search for “Adult Protective Services” in your county and report this abuse immediately.
I would also call the police and request a “wellness check” on this very vulnerable elder.
This is not being a busybody. This is being a good friend.
Dear Amy: I’m responding to “Dissed Sib,” who felt it was unfair that certain family members received more financial help from their mother than others had. This happened in my family, and my mom’s response was: “Fair does not always mean equal.”
— Always Miss My Mom
Dear Always: I’ve heard from many readers who report similar pearls of wisdom delivered by parents during their childhoods.
Teaching this to children while they’re growing up will prevent resentment later.
