Ask Amy: My longtime boyfriend says he never wants to get married

Dear Amy: I’ve been with my boyfriend “Anthony” for three years. We met in college and moved in together after graduation.

I absolutely adore him and he and I are very compatible and very kind and loving toward each other. Our families know one another and get along well.

Anthony recently told me that he doesn’t see himself ever getting married. His folks divorced when he was a child and each remarried other people. I have never heard that there was any discord there and Anthony seems to have a decent relationship with his parents and stepparents.

When Anthony made his statement, he spoke as if we were just casual pals, sitting around and talking about hypotheticals.

I am fairly shattered to learn this and don’t know what to do now.

Your advice?

– Sad

Dear Sad: You and “Anthony” live together. You are romantic cohabiting partners. His tone might have sounded casual, but I suspect he said this quite deliberately. He is telling you something extremely important about where he stands.

If you are itching to get married (and it sounds as if you are), you really need to have a very serious conversation about this.

Does he see staying with you in an exclusive committed partnership for a very long time? Is he interested in having a family?

I’m sorry you are going through this. You have some tough conversations and choices ahead.

Dear Amy: “At a Loss” described the fact that her husband seemed to resent her closeness to her adult children.

You are right: his behavior is concerning.

Now that At A Loss is retired, her social relationships are important for her safety and wellness. Abusers work hard to alienate their victims.

My ex-husband did this. A healthy, caring spouse would not avoid his own children or seek to alienate her from her own.

– Abuse Survivor

Dear Survivor: This husband seemed quite jealous over his wife’s affectionate attachment to her children. This does not bode well for their future.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)