Ask Amy: My husband started a Facebook dating profile so I did too

Dear Amy: I recently discovered that my husband was messaging and talking to three women through the dating portion of Facebook.

I saw messages on his phone from one woman. I also noted that he had a phone call with her that lasted for 44 minutes.

I confronted him about this and he said he was trying to learn how to communicate — and that he was not cheating.

I decided that if he thought this was OK, then it should be OK for me, too.

I started my own profile in the dating portion of Facebook.

My husband did not like the attention I was getting, and he shut down his activity and ended all communication with other women. I also ended mine.

We have a great intimate relationship, but I’m still hurt and I don’t trust him.

We have been through a lot over the past 28 years.

Do you have any advice?

— Feeling Betrayed

Dear Feeling Betrayed: Well, it looks as if your husband learned how to communicate.

You received his message — loud and clear — and sent him back a message of your own.

I think it would be great if you two actually put your messages into words.

You might start by sending him a private message on your favorite social media platform, sincerely inviting him to an intimate dinner. You might even use the terrifying phrase, “Honey, we need to talk.”

And then do that. Talk.

You two have been playing a fairly dangerous game, daring one another and leveraging your long and loving relationship in the process.

I suggest that you reveal to him how this episode has made you feel. Talk about your feelings, and invite him to talk about his feelings.

If you two can’t break through and have an honest, intimate conversation revealing your feelings about your own lives (and your feelings toward each other), couples counseling would help to give you the tools to talk.

I hope you’ll approach this episode as offering the potential for a relationship reboot. This could be the beginning of a new and positive phase.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)