Dear Readers: The following Q&A first ran in 2019.
Dear Amy: My daughter has my husband’s extremely pale, Nordic appearance. In high school she had some darker-skinned friends of other races. Sometimes they would poke gentle fun at her for her whiteness, such as telling her she looked like a ghost in her bathing suit.
Although they didn’t mean any harm (and she understood this), sometimes it bothered her. However, she felt like because she was white and they were darker, she had to take it with grace.
It isn’t OK/PC to poke even good-natured fun at darker-skinned people these days, even if they are close friends, but doesn’t that work both ways?
How should she respond if this happens again? I have another daughter coming up behind her with the same coloring, and she may face the same experience with her friends.
— Bothered in CO
Dear Bothered: The heightened sensitivities surrounding — well, everything — has officially become exhausting.
Does this light-hearted and good-natured banter from friends really bother your daughter? Have you encouraged her to not let it bother her?
She could be honest with her friends: “I don’t make fun of your skin tone, and I wish you wouldn’t make fun of mine.”
I’m also going to give your daughter a comeback, but she can only use it if she delivers it with gusto and humor:
“Hey, I’m here. I’m clear. Get used to it.”
Dear Readers: I am leaving at the end of the month. R. Eric Thomas is starting a new advice column called “Asking Eric.” You can help Eric get started by flinging some of your questions and problems his way.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
©2024 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
