Dear Amy: My fiance and I are planning our wedding. As the bride, I’m planning on making certain requests of my guests, to make sure that my special day is as perfect as possible. For example, I’m asking that my guests wear exclusively yellow at the ceremony.
My fiance has been supportive, but he angrily rejected my other request: that our guests remain silent throughout the ceremony and reception (to ensure that the focus remains on us). My fiance said this is irrational.
I know it’s uncommon. I’ve never heard of anyone else having a silent wedding, but we’ve had them in my family. The guests are not permitted to speak at all during the ceremony, and the only toasts allowed are from the mothers of the bride and groom.
During the reception, the guests may whisper, but may not speak aloud. As the newly married couple, our focus should remain solely on each other rather than on any rowdy guests.
I know it’s a lot to ask, but I feel I should have the wedding I want, so that the start of our life together will be perfect. I want him to support me, even if we disagree on something.
Is my fiance’s lack of support a red flag?
— Silence is Golden
Silence: Congratulations! You are on the verge of attaining legendary Bridezilla status. Yes, there are many flags flying over this unusual affair (and they’re yellow, of course).
I hope your fiance is paying attention, because if you are this self-centered now — I can only imagine what the dynamic will be like later, for instance if you choose to have children.
Somewhere along the line, you seem to have gotten the idea that a wedding is for the bride alone, to serve her whims and fancies. No. Public weddings are family events and should celebrate the joining of two families.
Your fiance’s job is not to support you regardless of how dumb your ideas are. That’s not how marriage works.
Let’s start with your request that all guests must wear yellow. I have yet to see a man’s yellow outfit that didn’t bring to mind a giant banana.
Generally, guests don’t speak during wedding ceremonies, unless asked to read aloud. But a silent reception? Aside from some traditions associated with a Quaker wedding (which yours obviously is not), the idea of a silent reception goes well with your color scheme: basically bananas.
If you don’t want rowdy guests, then limit (or don’t serve) alcohol. If you want the focus solely and exclusively on you, then get married in a small room, standing before a mirror.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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