Dear Eric: I completed a yoga teacher training (YTT), which I only shared with family. During the YTT, the studio posted pics on social media, and I was in one pic.
Within hours, Sue, a coworker, sent me a screenshot of the post and asked if it was me. I confirmed. Thereafter, Sue began frantically texting me about how she wanted to attend a YTT and told people at work teaching yoga was her passion. Granted, Sue neither practiced yoga regularly nor mentioned ever wanting to attend a YTT in the 10-plus years we’ve worked together.
Within weeks, Sue signed up for the next YTT at the same studio I obtained my certification. There’s a ton of yoga studios in town. Sue now works at the same studio as I do, and she completed a similar training I completed shortly after I completed it with the same vendor.
Sue stalks my social media page and questions me about my teaching schedule, collaborations, associations, and inflates our friendship status behind my back when she meets people in the movement community.
I’ve been intentionally avoiding Sue’s calls/texts and at work. Yoga is my refuge, and I needed something separate from work.
How do I tell Sue to find her own life path and seek her own opportunities instead of copying me?
— No-go yoga
Dear No-go yoga: Sue’s intensity makes me really curious about how she runs her classes. But, as with any yoga practice, or position, intensity is sometimes in the eye (or body) of the beholder. It’s possible she’s misjudging how she’s coming across to you. No harm in that, per se, but it does require a resetting of boundaries.
She might see you as a friend, or even a friend-tor (a friend/mentor hybrid). It can be awkward to correct that misconception, but it’s necessary.
Come from a place of what you need, rather than focusing on what she’s doing. Use “I” statements to help with clarity. “I’d prefer to keep my yoga practice separate from my work life. I’m happy that you’ve found this community, but I need a little space here to focus on my teaching and practice. I won’t be as available to you outside of work, and I wanted to be upfront about that so that intentions aren’t muddled.”
This might be tough for Sue to hear, but directness allows you to state what you need and clears a path for her to process in whatever way she needs to.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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