Dear Annie: My husband was out of town traveling for business during our first anniversary. So I thought it would be romantic if I met him where he was staying in Washington, D.C. That way, we wouldn’t spend our first anniversary apart. I drove 13 hours straight from work to make this happen. I stayed for three days, and we had a great time. Or so I thought.
When my husband arrived home, he left his phone unlocked. I saw that he had texted his ex on our anniversary to meet him at his hotel for sex.
Apparently, she was supposed to come one day before I arrived, but SHE told him no. Additionally, he sent sexual messages while we were in D.C. celebrating under my nose.
I was livid! But he says nothing happened so I should forgive him and give him a chance to earn back my trust. The only reason nothing happened is because she said no. Should I forgive him for sexting? I am so hurt he thought so little of our marriage and first anniversary.
— Worst First
Dear Worst First: Of course you are hurt. You sound incredibly thoughtful, committed and considerate, while he sounds like a jerk. Whether or not you want to forgive him is up to you, but he is not off the hook just because he didn’t actually go through with cheating on you. He certainly intended to. Marriage counseling is a must.
Dear Annie: My cousin and I attend the same church. We have never been close; she was closer to my younger sister, who passed away in April of last year. Although we are not close, we had always been cordial to each other.
Approximately two weeks ago, however, my cousin called a married man who attends the same church and told him she had heard that he and I were in a relationship. He said he told her it was not true.
I called her and she did not answer, so I left her a text asking why she asked him that. I am her first cousin, and if she needed to ask anyone, it should have been me. I have seen her since, but she has not responded. I am upset and feel she owes me an apology.
How should I approach her? It is not true, and the man and I have never been in a relationship.
— Owed an Apology
Dear Owed: You are correct that, if we were all perfect, your cousin would realize how wrong she was and apologize to you. But all you can do to make that happen is talk to her about it. Tell her how you feel and that your feelings were hurt.
There is still a possibility that she won’t apologize. Some people really don’t like to. Then you have a choice. You can suffer by expecting someone to do something they are incapable of doing, or you can forgive her and free yourself of that burden. Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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