Dear Annie: My daughter moved without telling me, and I feel betrayed

Dear Annie: Out of the blue, my daughter told me she bought a house in Connecticut and will be moving there from New Jersey. She insists the two-hour drive isn’t far, but I feel hurt and blindsided that she didn’t let me know about this until she’d already bought the house and was getting ready to sell her New Jersey home.

Her mother-in-law helped her financially with the move, which is great, but now she’ll live just 30 minutes from her in-laws while I’m two hours away. I feel betrayed having been kept in the dark. I’m also 65, live on my own, and have a very, very sick dog. I don’t know how long the dog will live, but for now, traveling two hours one way just isn’t an option.

I’m very hurt by what she did and I’m trying to get past it. She used to live just 30 minutes from me, and now she’ll be just as close to her mother-in-law, who helped her buy the house. I’ve actually had to go on antidepressants because of this. Thankfully, my son and his fiancée live a mile away, so that’s a blessing. But I feel like the mother-in-law pulled a fast one as she has her daughter, her daughter’s family, and now her son and his family so close to her.

Please give me some advice to help me get through this.

— Left Out in New Jersey

Dear Left Out: What hurts most isn’t that your daughter chose to move; it’s that she made a major life decision without including you in it. While I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt you, it’s understandable why you feel blindsided and even a little rejected with her now being closer to her in-laws.

Instead of seeing this as a competition between “you” versus “them,” focus on what you can do to maintain the relationship and stay connected with your daughter despite this newfound distance. Let her know you wish you’d been kept in the loop and then together, figure out ways to bridge the gap, whether that’s weekly calls or visits every few months when she’s able to make it down to you. Don’t let this change overshadow the support you still have. Your son and his fiancée are nearby, which is, as you said, a blessing.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.