Dear Annie: After nine years of waiting for him to propose, I finally decided to take matters into my own hands and popped the question myself. His response? He said he’d need to “see what his finances look like”—and then a week later, he broke up with me via text.
Looking back, it’s painfully clear: If he doesn’t ask, he doesn’t want to.
What are your thoughts on situations like this? Should women ever propose, or does this only set them up for heartbreak if the feelings aren’t mutual?
—Women Proposing
Dear Proposing: First and foremost, it sounds like you dodged a bullet. Thank goodness he didn’t say yes. With that being said, I don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman proposing to a man. We are living in 2025.
It shouldn’t matter who pops the question, as long as both people are ready and willing to commit. However, your experience highlights an important truth: If one partner isn’t fully invested or ready, no proposal—no matter who makes it—can change that.
This situation taught you a valuable lesson, which is that actions speak louder than words. If someone isn’t showing consistent effort or commitment, it’s often a sign that they may not be ready for the relationship you deserve.
You deserve someone who’s as excited about building a future with you as you are with them.
Dear Annie: I have two grown children who are doing well, both married, and one is expecting my first grandson. I’m a widow; their dad passed away 10 years ago. We all live in different cities, and I speak with my daughter weekly and with my son monthly.
For Christmas, my daughter usually travels, and my son spends it with his wife’s family, leaving me alone. A few years ago, I rented a condo for us to meet, but no one showed up, so I decided not to try that again. They said they were busy with their in-laws.
I’ve continued to send gifts for birthdays and Christmas, but I rarely get acknowledgment unless I follow up. I never receive gifts in return—just a card from my daughter at Christmas, the same one she sends to everyone.
They’re financially secure, while I live on Social Security and work part-time. Is it OK to stop sending gifts for birthdays and Christmas and just send a thoughtful card instead?
—Feeling Overlooked
Dear Feeling Overlooked: It’s no wonder you’re feeling overlooked—because, unfortunately, that’s exactly what’s happening. Yes, it’s perfectly fine to stop sending gifts, but the issue isn’t really about the presents. The real concern is the lack of shared experiences and meaningful connection with your children.
Have you considered asking why you’re not included in their family gatherings, such as spending Christmas with your son’s in-laws? Rather than focusing on stopping gift-giving, use this opportunity to have an open and honest conversation with your children. Let them know how much it would mean to you, as their widowed mom, to be included in more family events.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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