Dear Abby: Six months ago, I began seeing a man I like very much but don’t want to be intimate with. We are in our “young” 70s, and both of us were widowed two years ago after 50-year marriages. We agreed early on that neither of us will remarry.
We are affectionate, and he’ll occasionally kiss my cheek, nape of my neck, or forehead. We hug. That’s as much as I want. I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I’m worried he may want more intimacy, which I am not willing to give. What advice do you have for me?
—Limited in Indiana
Dear Limited: Because you are sure you don’t want an intimate relationship with this man and are being given signals that he may want more from you, talk frankly with him about it. You are both mature people, and it’s the only fair way to handle a situation like this. You may find, to your relief, that you are misreading his intentions. If you aren’t, he needs to know he’s barking up the wrong tree.
Dear Abby: My father dated someone for several years. She broke up with him around five years ago. She’s a pleasant person, so we stay in touch via Christmas cards. Recently, she texted me that she was sending me a box of mementos, including pictures from their relationship. I was away on business, so I didn’t have a chance to respond.
The shoebox arrived this morning, and I just received a text from her asking if I had received it. Honestly, I feel this was inappropriate because the relationship was between my father and her. I believe she should have sent the items to him instead. How should I respond?
—Only the Son in New Jersey
Dear Only the Son: Respond by telling the woman the box arrived. She may have sent it to you because she wanted no more direct contact with your father. Call your dad, tell him his ex-girlfriend sent the mementos to you, ask if he wants them or would prefer you dispose of them and then follow his guidance.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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