Dear Annie: My husband and I, plus our four children, currently reside in a first-floor apartment. I love this because I don’t have to tell the kids to tiptoe everywhere so as not to disturb the downstairs neighbors. However, our upstairs college neighbors are extremely heavy-footed and always sound like they are on an expedition. We have only talked to them once while they were having a video game party and asked that they not stomp wildly every time someone won or lost. They were fine with that and quieted down some.
Recently, one of the young men in the apartment got a girlfriend. Their adult activities can be heard loud and clear in the room that my husband, our baby and I share. This frequently wakes the baby and causes none of us to get any sleep. Their bed is very, very squeaky, and their voices carry through clearly. Activities happen every night at 10, every morning at 5, 6 or 7, and now every afternoon as well. I don’t know what to do.
— Exhausted Mom
Dear Exhausted Mom: If you don’t feel up to another face-to-face interaction, you can try leaving a note for your neighbors or relaying your grievances to your landlord or property manager. Most complexes have specified quiet hours that this unit is surely not keeping to. As awkward as a confrontation like this can be, who knows — you might be doing the whole building a favor by speaking up.
Dear Annie: My husband and I will be married 47 years on Dec. 2. My heart is broken because I’ve been in remission for acute promyelocytic (APL) leukemia for two years now but still have quite a few medical problems due to the arsenic chemo treatments I was on for over two years.
My memory issues are the worst. My short-term memory is completely gone, along with some of my long-term memory. I repeat quite a few of my questions to my husband and daughter. Also, I say things over and over again. My husband especially tells me very angrily to shut up because he doesn’t want to hear me repeating questions or saying things constantly just to hear them again five minutes later. My doctors have said it is just the long-term damage from the chemo. There is nothing to be fixed.
I am heartbroken because I can’t even talk in my own home. I have become silent and guarded, afraid to say anything. I go about my day doing my normal chores and answering any questions my husband or daughter might have, but that is about it. I might as well have lost my voice because I am not allowed to talk anyway. My therapist understands and tells me constantly that none of this is my fault. I never asked for this. But it doesn’t change the reality of my life. Any suggestions you could give me would be most appreciated.
— Heartbroken Cancer Survivor
Dear Heartbroken: I am incredibly sorry for all you’re going through. Your home and family should be sources of comfort, not stress and unacceptance.
For anything to change, you have to honestly and openly communicate how you’re feeling to your husband. It’s worth asking if your therapist would be willing to see both of you for a few sessions or recommend a couples counselor who can. You might also find connection through a local support group with others in your exact situation who understand the extreme difficulties that your diagnosis presents for you and you alone. I wholeheartedly agree with your therapist that none of this is your fault, the way your husband is treating you is not OK, and you deserve to be heard and free to live in your own home.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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