Dear Abby: How do I get my husband to charge our adult kids rent?

My husband and I have three grown children, all of whom still live at home. I had always thought that once they graduated from college and got good jobs, they should start paying rent. Because my husband had to pay rent when he still lived at home, he said he would never do that to his kids.

Our oldest, “Samantha,” is now 31. She has a well-paying job and drives an expensive car. She does barely anything around the house but does buy her own food and toiletries.

The other two help tremendously around the house, often without being asked. Samantha will sometimes do something, but I have to ask multiple times, and usually weeks go by before it gets done. She can’t afford to move out because she has large student loan debt. Plus, why would she move when she lives rent-free and comes and goes as she pleases? Even her dog lives here for free.

My husband and I have had many discussions about this, at my prompting, and it just leads to us arguing and me feeling resentful toward him. I couldn’t enforce anything without his backing because, apparently, my opinion doesn’t matter, so I just stay mad and wonder why I am even here. How can I make him realize how wrong he is and finally stop our daughter from walking all over us?

—Frustrated in New Jersey

Dear Frustrated,

Disagreements over child-rearing have destroyed marriages. Children should never be allowed to come between parents, which seems to have happened in your case. That your husband makes you feel your opinion doesn’t matter is terrible. Does this disrespect spill over to aspects of your relationship other than this disagreement? At 31 (!) and gainfully employed, your daughter should have started shouldering some responsibility for herself years ago. Discuss this with a licensed mental health professional, and you may learn to become more assertive.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O.Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.