Dear Eric: Our son just received a birthday card from his great aunt, which included a small amount of money. We told him to write her a thank-you card and send it to her. He asked, “Can’t I just text her?”
We don’t know what proper etiquette is these days. Texting wasn’t an option when we were growing up. We can see where the great aunt might like having instant communication with our son (sixth grade) and his number so she can communicate with him in the future. We also understand how it may not seem very personable and do agree there is something about getting old school snail mail. Please advise.
—Grateful
Dear Grateful: Every time I write about thank-you notes in this column, I open up a tempest in a tea kettle in the responses. Well, call me a sachet of Earl Grey because I’m jumping in again.
He should send a text and a thank-you note. Texting is his age-appropriate preferred form of communication. Sending a quick thanks is expedient and can help him establish a bond with his great aunt.
But it’s valuable for him to learn how to write a thank-you note and when to send one. The text might be a quick appreciation, for instance, and the note can be a physical keepsake in which he tells her what he spent the money on.
As he grows older, he may decide not to send thank-you notes, though I hope he doesn’t. Still, understanding this skill now will pay dividends in the future. I think he’ll thank you.
Dear Eric: We have a couple we get together with periodically for dinner. It’s low key about setting time and place; usually I let them pick. The problem is every time we show up at the agreed upon time (never late) they usually have already ordered appetizers they have mostly eaten and have usually ordered their main course.
We always feel odd having to take time to look over the menu and order. Once would be weird but it’s almost every time. I don’t know what to say. It’s awkward. Why do they invite us if they’re going to eat without us? Short of showing up an hour earlier than the designated time, any suggestions?
—Mealtime Madness
Dear Mealtime: What a fascinating habit this couple has. I’d even go so far as to call it rude. It’s one thing to arrive early and order a soda or cocktail while you wait, maybe an appetizer to share. But they’ve started the whole meal. I’d be perplexed, too.
It’s best to meet the awkwardness head on. The next time you make plans, tell them you’ve noticed they tend to arrive much earlier and start to eat. Ask if there’s a reason for this and tell them you’d really like to spend the whole meal together. It seems unlikely they’re unaware of this habit; maybe there’s a good reason. But by talking it through—“dinner is at 6; what time will you be there?”—you give them the opportunity to explain and adjust. If they don’t do either, maybe it’s best to just meet them for dessert.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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