Dear Eric: Two years ago, a group of 11 women on my husband’s side, including his mother, sisters, and aunts, went on a beach house girls’ trip. The group also included the daughters-in-law of his aunts. I was left out and wasn’t even told about this trip until after they came back.
My husband was angrier about it than I was, but I asked him not to say anything so as not to cause drama that would come back on me.
I accepted that his family didn’t like me when we were dating, so I wasn’t exactly surprised they would do something like this. It still hurts, though.
Whenever we all get together, they talk about this trip and how much fun they had. Now they are planning another trip to the same place for next year.
No one has asked me if I am going or if I want to go. I wouldn’t go even if I was invited. I’m just bitter and fuming this time, instead of annoyed and amused like last time. Should I say something about it or let it go again?
—Left Out Again
Dear Left Out: Despite the warmth of a beach vacation, getting invited to join a group that’s been so callous to you would feel like awfully cold comfort. So, try to let it go. It probably seems like an escalation, this being the second time. But it’s just a part of an unfortunate pattern of behavior that doesn’t reflect on your value as much as it does on them.
However, this might be a good opportunity to let your husband say something about it. They don’t have to socialize with you, but years of being sidelined and maligned is taking a toll. He should let them know that if they want to have a relationship with him, they have to treat you better.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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