Dear Annie: I met a woman, “Alice,” on a dating site. We have been emailing each other for 27 months. We have never met; she lives in Seattle, and I live outside of Atlanta. We are both 70 years old.
I don’t quite understand our relationship. We seem to get along really well, and she has my phone number but won’t give me hers. I’ve asked for it a couple of times, but she asked me not to pressure her.
She told me she had a horrible divorce. I don’t know if she is scared to commit. I really don’t push it. I really enjoy her, and to be honest, there have been times when I think I should break it off, but I like her so much I go back to her.
I have thought of asking her if I can fly out there to meet, but I am a little nervous about asking. I think I should just see how the relationship goes (she tells me she’s going to retire) and let the chips fall where they may. I really don’t want to lose her.
You’re probably going to tell me to let her go, but to be honest, it’s really hard to find someone I like when I meet them off a dating site. No one can compare to her. I just wish I knew what to do.
—Stuck
Dear Stuck: After 27 months without meeting in person, I don’t blame you for wondering what to do. Her hesitation to share her phone number might be an indication that she isn’t ready for a relationship. The only way to know for sure is to ask her to meet up in person. You deserve a relationship that is real and reciprocated.
Dear Annie: I live in New York City and have had a solid group of friends for the last decade. We’re all young, gay professionals in our 20s and 30s.
A few years ago, an acquaintance joined our circle. Initially, he was a nice addition, and we welcomed him with open arms. However, over time, I’ve noticed some troubling behavior.
He has developed a habit of taking over social situations, often dismissing others’ stories or making negative comments about people he barely knows. It feels like he’s trying to dominate conversations and overshadow long-standing friendships. More recently, I’ve learned that he’s been organizing vacations and social events without including me, often with people I introduced him to.
When I confronted him about this last summer, he brushed it off as a “miscommunication.” He expressed regret and assured me that he loves me and my family, but his actions don’t seem to align with his words. I’m unsure if I want to continue building a friendship with him, but I’m also not sure how to navigate this situation within my tight-knit friend group. What should I do?
—Left Out in NYC
Dear Left Out: Ordinarily, I’d recommend direct, honest communication with this gentleman, sharing your feelings and attempting to iron things out. However, it sounds like you’ve already tried and have been dismissed. Another conversation is more than likely to fall on deaf ears.
Focus on the other friendships in your group where your effort is appreciated and reciprocated. Don’t make a bigger deal out of this than it is—there’s no need for bad blood or to force a relationship between you two—but trust your gut. It’s there for a reason.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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