Dear Annie: I read your postings in our local newspaper every day, and I’ve noticed that you often tell people to seek help from a professional counselor before making big decisions.
I agree this is an important step, but I’ve found that counselors and psychologists are so busy that they either aren’t taking new clients or they only want to do so via a computer. They want to counsel you through Zoom, which is not face-to-face.
During the pandemic, lots of doctors did business this way, but my feeling is you have to get comfortable with a counselor before you start telling them intimate things about yourself. Doing this through a computer isn’t my idea of getting anything accomplished.
—Retired But Still Have Feelings
Dear Retired: Virtual therapy has indeed boomed since the pandemic, through services such as BetterHelp and Talkspace as well as through private practices.
For some, it can increase convenience and accessibility, but you’re right that it doesn’t compare to in-person, face-to-face care. Keep at your search for an in-person counselor. You can find resources on the Psychology Today website under “Find a Therapist.” Good luck!
Dear Annie: Is it OK to get engaged at 17? For some context, I am currently 16, and so is my boyfriend. I am graduating high school in 2025 at 17, and my boyfriend is graduating in 2026 at 18. I have always been one to want to get engaged young. Though it is unconventional, I still feel it is right for me.
My boyfriend and I have been together since we were 14. We genuinely do love each other, but we are afraid of what our families would think. Our idea is to hide it. We would have a small engagement, just us, with minimal costs spent on the ring due to the fact that I don’t care about diamond size, but I do care about the intention behind it. We would not tell anyone and have it be a secret between us. Then around junior or senior year of college, we would have a second, larger engagement with family and friends involved. He will be my forever no matter what.
What are your thoughts?
—Love Wins
Dear Love Wins: Young love is so powerful, intoxicating and exciting. While I can tell you and your boyfriend are eager to get engaged, I would be willing to bet you are seeking approval like this because, deep down, you know it’s not the right thing to do. Anything in life you have to start “in secret” or “hide” should be a sign to you that it is not right.
If you two are meant to be together forever, like you say, there’s no harm in waiting until you’re older and really ready for this ultimate level of commitment.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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