Dear Annie: I am struggling with conflicting feelings over feeling disrespected by family members. I was not especially close to my sister, but we did see each other occasionally and text/talk on social media.
My stepdaughter was attacked and bitten by my sister’s dog a couple of years ago. My stepdaughter’s biological mother chose to sue my sister’s homeowners insurance. Neither my husband nor I are involved in the lawsuit. We told this to my sister, but she has chosen to not associate with us anymore.
A few months ago, my sister misunderstood something her lawyer said and jumped to the conclusion that my husband and I would be splitting the money with my stepdaughter’s biological mother.
My sister and mother blew this way out of proportion, going as far as telling their assumptions to another family member, who then reached out to me to share their disgust of “my behavior.”
I can understand the sensitivity of the subject, but I am extremely hurt that they stood by their assumptions and spread false things about my husband and me when I have never given them a reason to think such negative things about me. I had tried to talk to them, hoping for an apology, but like in the past, I was only given excuses. My father now wants my husband and me to reach out to my sister and mother to make amends. Part of me wants to sweep it under the rug, as I have always done. But the other part of me wants to say enough is enough. Am I overreacting, or is this extremely negative behavior?
—Heartbroken Scapegoat
Dear Heartbroken: It is always touchy when there are lawsuits and insurance claims against family members, but tell your sister that you can’t control your husband’s ex-wife’s decision to file suit and you and your husband have nothing to do with it. However, your sister CAN control — or should control — her dog to make sure that little girls aren’t being attacked and bitten! She should know this, and it might be the reason she is criticizing you. Her attitude might be that the best defense is a good offense.
Communication is key here, and you won’t get anywhere without talking to your sister or mother. Making amends doesn’t require sweeping anything under the rug — your sister jumping to conclusions is indeed hurtful — but someone needs to initiate, and it may as well be you.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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