Dear Eric: I read Work, Life, Love, Balance’s letter, and thought I’d add the perspective of a senior (I’m 63). When I was this gentleperson’s age, I had exactly two dates from a dating service when they were the “thing” in the ’80s, and each one was an unmitigated disaster. I stopped looking.
Then I met this fella at, of all places, a “Doctor Who” party. He was listening to the Moody Blues; I stopped to remark about this because I was as well and we struck up a friendship, first through letters. He became a good friend, then my best friend and, later this month, we will have been married for 34 years.
My advice is this: A relationship may find you when you stop looking. I’ve noted over the years that sometimes the strongest relationships that last the longest, often start out as friends.
—Married to the One
Dear Still Married: I love your story and this advice so much! “Doctor Who” and the Moody Blues! What a combo. Congrats on 34 years!
Dear Eric: I am a male senior citizen living in suburban Maryland with no family. With personal ads a thing of the past and online dating very costly, I do not know where or how to meet quality singles or widows. I was never a bar hopper, and it would be nice just to have a companion.
I am from New York where my friends live, and I notice people do not even want to get to know another person. Any specific or general advice?
—Wants a Connection
Dear Connection: As a big fan of rom-coms, I believe wholeheartedly in the enduring power of kismet. No matter how many apps, ads or websites we create to help us reach each other, it all comes down to two people being in the right place in life at the right time. So, put yourself in new places, not necessarily with the intention of finding a companion but rather with the desire to find things that bring you joy in life.
Try taking a class or picking up a hobby, volunteering or going on a group trip. Consider joining or getting more heavily involved in an organization—rotary, garden club, biker gang, whatever suits your fancy. Sometimes the easiest way to get to know someone, romantically or platonically, is by sharing a common interest, as in the letter above.
Near you, there’s a place called the Bykota Center with a robust slate of programs every day for adults over 60, from ballroom dancing to a monthly lecture series. See if a place like that is a good match for you.
I’m also going to throw this question to the wider readership. Readers who are seniors: Have you found friendship or companionship at a later stage of life? I’d love for you to write in with your short tales of kismet. I’ll share some of them in a few weeks to inspire this letter writer and anyone else who is looking for connection.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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